For those of you who read this, you might look around and say "well there isn't much here". Honestly I've had other blogs before that were cathartic for their purpose, but I feel ran their course so I deleted them and started over. I've also recently been reluctant to share much of anything personal for fear that it will backfire on me once again.
But now I am going to share something personal. It's something I just feel like I need to get "out there" for no one in particular but really just to get off my chest.
For those who don't know me all that well, I used to be a ballet dancer. It was my life. I gave all of myself emotionally and physically towards this art, to the point that I nearly killed myself (literally) with eating disorders one year (I know it sounds strange since I love cooking and food so much now, but it took quite a while to get here. I love cooking because I get to exert control [YES!] on what I eat) and subsequently had major reconstructive surgery on major joints after the fact.
I never "made it", and frankly by the time I wound up in the hospital dying I was so burned out emotionally that I was ready to stop - I think I had finally relegated myself to " not making it" status anyway. I went through a lot of shit as a dancer. I thought I'd gotten past the emotional trauma, but I just realized last night that I still have a lot of pent up anger and frustration about my experience. I didn't think it was there, but recent economic circumstances made me realize that I share alot of the same emotions and feelings about past and present experiences.
So there. I am still angry.
I'm going to go make cupcakes now.
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